Thursday 19 September 2013

a fourth reflection...'creative? moi?!'

At social gatherings – birthdays, christenings, weddings, funerals, car boot sales – I am fairly often told the same thing by anyone I’ve been in conversation with for more than the regulation three minutes: that I am sooo creative.  This is half true, half glib falsehood (and in asserting this, I suppose, half evidence of rampant egoism).  Then there follows a lament on the part of my fellow socialite that him, or her, wishes they could be the same.  And, of course, there is nothing stopping them.

Except most likely there is.

When their pat reply is trotted out, and their face begins to droop, I reply in an equally facile manner that ‘it only takes practice’. 

But it is not only practising a particular creative discipline to the point one becomes technically accomplished, and imaginatively stimulated, that matters when attaining creativity, as much as the practise of getting to know oneself, and developing a comfort in exploring the previously unarticulated thoughts, fears, hopes, dreams that lurk within (we all have them, but usually they reside inside of us in a kind of suppressed worry loop); and then, once again, expressing our neuroses in a creative manner to the world (or anyone who should bear witness), with which there is an inherent danger in exposing the Self to a greater, or lesser, extent!

Creative acts do not, of course, necessarily have to be about expressing our neuroses, they can just as well be about joy, an articulation of the hopes and dreams that lie dormant within us we want to bring out, than those buried thoughts and malignant fears.  And yet, our creative history is chock full of creative acts that have been apparently joyful, where the creator has succeeded in juxtaposing his, or her, less agreeable neuroses with optimism and gusto: the foremost examples that come to mind being Van Gogh’s Sunflowers, and Syd Barrett’s Pink Floyd.

After all, what,  in part, drives us to be creative, I would suggest, is a need to create a monument to an emotion we cannot understand, or do not necessarily feel comfortable in expressing in an everyday environment, where we may run the risk of being judged in a very direct, potentially wounding fashion – imagine trying to express the joy and grief that underscores the work of both Van Gogh, and Barrett, at even one of the more exuberant occasions we typically encounter, such as a birthday party: I am not sure whether one would feel comfortable at all, before, during and after the act.

In a sense being creative requires a degree of courage – whether there is a correlation between the further one delves into one’s psyche, and creative acts of more profound expression, is debatable – still, the fact remains there is an element of truth, hidden or otherwise, in the great works, and if you want to do a painting, write a poem, play or sing a song (how many times have you sung something personal and found, from time to time, the words stick in your throat?), the further you go along the road of creative endeavour, the more likely you are to discover more of the bad, in addition to the good.  Indeed, if at any stage in life you feel unloved, unfulfilled, or frustrated, one of the most liberating things you can do is pick up your pen, paint-brush, or guitar, and experiment.  You might achieve something great!

Friday 13 September 2013

a forty first poem...'weight'

Love you so much –
I can say it here,
Now
After several beers,
Two double whiskeys,
Straight,
When you and I wake
One of us will go
To the window
See a sailboat
Single tail light on
Helm to leeward
Struggling, low
In the swollen current
Across the bay
And one of us, again
Will rub our face, say:
‘Think I know how
But how, why,
Have we ended up in this place?’
Think it strange
Yet hold close
This rare space,
Where time
Has no weight.

Wednesday 11 September 2013

a fortieth poem...'night before'

Woke feeling low,
Forced myself
To get out of bed,
Banged my head
On the low-hanging
Light bulb.
Nursing my head
I walked the short distance
To the window,
Brushed the dust off the sill,
And sat there,
Numb all over -
Except for my head.
Sure enough
The rain was coming down
In great blotches,
Spattering on the empty street
Below my dusty windowsill;
The sky above
Mordant, ash grey,
And behind me,
My box-bedroom,
The open fire
Where the embers lay
That kindled hope,
Of a kind,
The night before
She left
At four, was it five?
Have died.

Tuesday 10 September 2013

a thirty ninth poem...'retirement two'

Must spend more time on golf course
Less with wife
(hide her shoes to stop her going out?
Coming after me
And interfering with my life)
Join local Tennis club?
(scratch that
- might appeal too much to wife -
such..
..is life).
Develop taste for cognac V S O P,
Some other expensive spirits?
Crash sports car, breaking all speed limits
(claim on wife’s insurance);
Try getting into Stravinsky (again!)
Escape the Self using TM
(and wife)
Start over with Russian heiress,
Leave the wretched trouble and strife.
Or, take her skating
With a pick-axe
And accidentally (on purpose)
Break the ice.
N.B. Must get solicitor friend to secretly re-draft wife's will 

Monday 9 September 2013

a thirty eighth poem...'the gap'

We all laugh
At health and safety
Including the blind,
Deaf, dumb,
Even the lame -
But would we do the same
In the face of danger?
Or, after one of us ignores
The warning sign
On the platform
That says:
‘don’t leap when you hear the beep’,
With stupid head
All swollen, red,
Ears, eyes, nose
Trapped in the train doors,
Feet and toes
Swinging helplessly
Over.. 
THE GAP.

Wednesday 4 September 2013

a thirty seventh poem...'waiting for the sun'

On the beach at dawn,
Savages
Waiting for the sun 
To settle
Over the cove,
As pools of light
Begin nesting in
Fern gullies
On the cliffs
Above our watch,
I can feel
The coming heat on my skin.
Soon
When I plunge
Into the clear water,
Daze the little fish
That swim in spirals
Through shallows green as glass
And blown sand,
I will taste
The salt on my lips;
Then surfacing again
With a rasp in my throat
I'll come back
To the air.

Tuesday 3 September 2013

a seventy sixth story...'provision'

He joined us the first morning on the roof top bar for breakfast.  The roof top bar overlooked the harbour, flanked with pink and orange fronted buildings, where boats of various kinds were moored: small fishing skiffs, high-masted yachts, sleek motor cruisers – the water was green and clear as glass.

The first thing he did on sitting down with us was to spill coffee all over his lap.  He seemed furtive, the kind of person who, in life, skips insect-like from one thing to the next without lingering to take very much  in.  And once he had cleaned himself up with hurried dabs of a dish cloth borrowed from the kitchen, he drank his coffee in quick, regular sips, as if it were about to evaporate, between sips nibbling at his croissant in the manner of one biting at one's finger nails.

We had seen him dining alone at dinner the night before in the hotel restaurant, where you could enjoy panoramic views of the entire bay - the winking fairy lights of the old port town, and the lighthouse beacon a little further out to sea, made for a romantic experience  – and had felt sorry for him , or at least Terri had.  In the bar, later, we approached him and shared a couple of whisky sodas together.  Terri had a vodka tonic instead.

He was in the printing business, and was visting Italy for work.  He told me that the Italians had the best colour printing presses in the world.  The kind of books he worked with were popular reference books, ones with big, colour photographs.  He asked if I wanted  to come up to his room to see some samples  he had with him, including the definitive picture book of New York through the ages, showing the evolution of the skyscraper and so on.  But Terri, I could tell, wasn’t so keen.  So far in her estimation I could sense that he hadn’t turned out to be the mystery stranger she had been hoping he would be.  The romance was gone.  

‘He wasn’t even an author’, she said when we had returned to our room and were both undressing for bed, ‘who cares about pubilshers’.  ‘Printers’, I corrected her.  ‘Whatever, she said, ‘they’re all small time business people these days anyhow’.

Certainly I was aware there wasn’t a lot of money in publishing any more.  And it lead to me to reflect why people persist in occupations where there is little opportunity of becoming rich, but I stopped after a while – there were a myriad  of possible reasons, all as good, or bad, as each other.  

Then, after breakfast on the roof top bar the following morning, I asked Terri whether she thought money was a necessity in achieving happiness.  Without missing a beat Terri replied ‘yes’.  That’s what I like about my wife, she sees life a certain way, and for the time being I am able to provide for her.